Help for Divorced Single Mothers
“For divorced single mothers, adjusting to a new life and parenting can bring many challenges.”
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Many research studies have shown that divorced mothers and fathers seem to parent their children differently than two-parent households. This makes sense; there are a lot more stresses, demands and worries on single mothers than there are on two-parent households. Researchers have called the parenting style of divorced mothers and fathers diminished parenting.
As a result of less energy and supervision time on the part of divorced single mothers as they have to deal with additional stresses of providing for their family, a different lifestyle and perhaps sadness about the loss of their spouse, a unique parenting style evolves. Single mothers are less likely to provide consistent rules and punishments for child behavior.
They might ignore some bad behaviors while punishing others excessively. Moreover, punishments can vary depending on the energy level and frustration of divorced single mothers. This teaches children to see if they can get away with something first rather than refrain from the behavior. In addition, single mothers may use more coercive or controlling behaviors on their children.
When orders are given, they are expected to be obeyed. There is little time or energy to patiently explain things, show children how to do something or follow up with them. Because these mothers have to deal with so many daily stressors; balancing a job, home and children, there is often less positive interaction time with their children.
This description of divorced single mothers and their parenting style may sound familiar to you or may not describe you at all. If it does, there are a lot of ways to remedy the situation and provide an even better environment for your children.
After your divorce, it is important to focus on yourself, go to the gym and work out your frustrations. Even though it does take away an hour from your family, it will probably put you in a better state of mind to interact with your family, once you are there.
For many single moms, conflict often continues with their ex-husbands over child support, visitation, and other marital issues. Don’t let this negativity spill over into your children’s lives.
The most important thing single moms can do to help their children is to keep their father an important part of their lives and keep her anger under wraps. Bad mouthing your husband only creates divided loyalties, resentment, anxiety and stress in children.
Children need to be reassured that both parents still love them and you, regardless of your feelings towards your ex-husband, need to support that view. Invite the children’s father to important sporting events, school plays and other meaningful activities.
When you start dating again, make sure your children know that you are not replacing their father. For divorced mothers, living without your ex-husband can be a liberating and growth experience. Watch your money and be proactive about managing your finances so stresses don’t spill over to your kids.
The best strategy to creating a supportive environment for your children is open and consistent communication.
As single mothers know, the adjustment to life without a spouse can be a difficult one. Don’t let the stress, anxiety and depression that is so often experienced by single parenting beat you down for too long.
You need to pull yourself up and work with your ex-husband to provide a supportive and loving environment for your children. Remember, they are depressed, anxious and stressed too.
The end of a marriage is stressful and upsetting for everyone, not just divorced single mothers.
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