Single Parenting Issue
“Are you facing a single parenting issue and aren’t sure where to turn?”
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If you are not certain what to do, you’re not alone. Read about how other parents deal, and what makes their kids thrive.
Experts agree that single parent households can be as happy and healthy as families headed by two adults. But parents flying solo do face certain challenges that married or cohabitating parents may never experience. Know where to turn when an issue has you stuck.
In Infancy
No matter how strong and capable you are, 2AM feedings for months on end (particularly if you must work the following day) can wear you down over time. In fact, during the infancy period, lack of sleep rates near the top of most moms’ or dads’ issue list.
THE BEST ADVICE: Don’t be a hero! Ask for help. Have a friend come over and watch the baby while you nap on your day off. And as much as you adore your sweet little girl or guy, get in touch with your own needs whenever you can by leaving her with a trusted person and going shopping, to the movies or simply out for coffee (bring your laptop and play for a while).
During the Preschool Years
Single parents who work outside the home will return to their business between three and twelve weeks after the baby’s birth. Daycare can be wonderful and educational, but sometimes, not having control over what their child does during the day can feel a frightening.
THE BEST ADVICE: First, be aware that daycare is not just a single parenting issue. As healthy as exposure to other children is, any parent will worry about what might be happening when Mommy or Daddy isn’t there.
When interviewing daycares or caregivers, make sure to ask whether they have an “open-door” policy. An open-door policy is one in which the parent is invited to stop in unannounced. If the caregiver responds cheerfully, great; if she seems angry, offended or uncertain what to say, take our advice on this issue: thank the person for her time, and move on without looking back.
Also be on the lookout for your baby or toddler’s unspoken signals. The majority of caregiver situations turn out just fine, but a few clues can be a “heads up” to parents. Signs of ongoing unhappiness include when a formerly social child begins to consistently turn away from adults, including the parent, or seems to cry excessively and over days and weeks without some other identifiable reason. Remember--as your child’s parent, you have final say. Be comfortable with your child’s daytime situation for her health and for your own peace of mind.
Elementary School and Beyond
Just when you thought that better verbal abilities and a greater degree of maturity would take some weight off your shoulders, the real complexities of childhood begin. Worse, on top of soccer, flute lessons and play dates, you just don’t know where you’re going to find the time to listen to the worries that come with your child’s advancing maturity.
Help is out there; reach for it. Don’t let a time-related issue derail both you and your child.
THE BEST ADVICE: Lack of time is now your most pervasive single parenting issue. But you can give five minutes of “just listening”, with sympathetic nods and without offering any maddening “old person” advice (“It’s just puppy love” will never fly at this stage). You don’t always have to offer up a solution; sometimes you just need to be a shoulder to cry on.,
Also keep in mind that you can’t be all things to all people--not even to the child you love. Encourage extended family relationships; a trusted and favorite cousin or sibling can be just the aunt or buddy your child needs as a sounding board.
No parent wants to pass the buck or be accused of not adequately parenting, but neither should you and your child live in a bubble that consists of just the two of you. Reach out, and encourage your child to do the same. By showing her how to develop relationships of all kinds and how to be a good friend, niece or cousin, you’re teaching her one of the greatest lessons of all.
I hope you have enjoyed this article on single parenting issues.
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